like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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