It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Randomize
