Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
