New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
