Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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