Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
