you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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