Me too!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
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