How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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