well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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