I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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