But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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