it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
