If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
