I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So squirting runs in the family.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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