Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
