Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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