Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
