Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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