Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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