I'd wear matching sweaters with you
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Couch. On fire.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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