We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
