Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
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Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
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My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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