You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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