umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
