Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
