The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
