I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
