What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Randomize
