life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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