I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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