I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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