in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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