This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
