you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
