I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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