My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
