I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
