I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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