9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
