Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
