We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
