I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
