I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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