The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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