We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
