yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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