from now on my penis is your penis
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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