I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
