Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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