Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
