did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
