They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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