Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
