I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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