If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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