just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
