So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
