proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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