those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
