he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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