how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
