Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Barsexuality is the new black.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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