No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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