It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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