Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
