I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
