I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
