I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
